Managing Our Teens
The foundation and the key to a healthy positive relationship with your child begins in early childhood and progresses into the teen years. As your child becomes a teenager, the communication with your child changes. It moves from the communication being normally one-way, the parent telling the child what to do; to a two-way exchange of thoughts, feelings, or ideas. The communication with your child must be both active listening as well as talking to your child.
Active listening is effective when you give your teenager your full attention, this means eye contact, and not engaging in another activity while listening. Once your teenager has finished speaking, then you the listener repeats back to them what you heard them say to you.
10 Tips for Teens:
Let Teens Know You Are Willing To Just Listen- to their ideas without making judgment, ask questions sparingly.
When doing this it will foster your Teen to feel comfortable to share their thoughts and ideas.
Be Accessible- Teens often blurt things out or want to talk at strange or inconvenient times. Be ready to listen anytime, anywhere.
Now from personal experience your Teen will invariably only want to talk when you are on the telephone, or in the middle of a talk. No matter how frustrated I felt at the timing (never a good time), I knew it was best to end the telephone conversation; and/or stop what I was doing to give my Teen my undivided attention.
Try Not To Be Defensive- When Teens make generalization or critical remarks do not take them personally. They are opportunities for discussions.
This particular tip can be more challenging especially when you the parent are sensitive. Usually their comments will be more of an attacking nature, but just know it will be a more positive outcome if you don't take it personally.
Give Straight Forward Advice or Feedback On Important Issues- such as sex, drinking and drugs, but do not keep repeating it. They need to hear you and they do hear you, even if they pretend indifference.
In this area I give examples that they could relate too, like family members, close family friends, who had experienced these issues. I found it made it more real when it was someone who they know that was experiencing those same issues.
Talk About Yourself Sometimes Instead Of The Teen- They hate to be the only topic of discussion.
This is an effective tip when you share your life, your growing up experiences when you were faced with the same or similar challenges. It makes you relatable and real to them, because often they view you as perfect.
Set Up And Use Family Time To Your Full Advantage- Get input from each person on rules as well as on the consequences of breaking rules. Sign agreements, try them out, modify as needed. Relax and have fun.
Give Lots Of Praise And Positive Feedback- Show care and concern. Teens need to hear the ‘good stuff' just like the rest of us. They need to know you love them for who they are inside, as well as what they can do.
This is really important to do with anything; you must put something positive and constructive into the discussion.
Give Them Responsibilities With Every Privilege- that's real life. Make them earn what they want and differentiate between wants and needs.
Teach Them To Deal With Information And Make Decisions- Teach them to think critically about what they see or hear, as well as how to sort out and prioritize information and to accept the consequences of their choices.
This point is key to allow them to develop, it help them develop analytical thinking. It's important to allow them to go through their oral thought process, and assisting them with their decisions, and the consequences of their decisions.
Eat Together- Provides family time to talk and foster feelings of warmth, love, and belonging.
This is really essential element to stay connected in a relaxed fun way.
Some content is from the Anti-Gang Violence Workbook
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